Study of my nutrition. My “delicacies”. March 2012. Geneva
Since I was 18 years old, I’ve been on different diets non-stop. Usually they work for me, but after their success, I return to my regular life and gain back my usual weight. This wears me out and I often find myself feeling guilty and angry. The pleasure from eating a sandwich with a sausage at 10pm is usually accompanied by these thoughts: “Damn it, not again!”
Now, I want to face this nutrition topic very carefully. I think it is vital for me to change my nutritional habits if I want to lose weight, but how? I know that I won’t last long on my own willpower; my desires still seem to be stronger. I can get a grip on myself, eat very little and lose weight very fast… as I have lost weight before. But these changes won’t last long. I know lots of diets; know how to combine products, so that fat won’t stay. As a doctor, I know lots of theoretical facts about human metabolism, but for myself I will reduce this knowledge to some simple advice: don’t eat bread, use less salt, eat before 6pm. If you are thirsty, drink water, tea and not wine. Don’t mix fats and carbohydrates in one meal. Unfortunately, I really love bread and potatoes and pickles-everything smoked and spicy. My appetite wakes up right after 4 pm. To drink wine, of course, is much tastier than water. It’s so difficult to refuse my favorite food!
That is the inner dialog that happens around this topic:
— I do not want to try to rule and control my natural biological functions. They must….they just have to work by themselves of course, NATURALLY. I’m tired from the constant control. Thoughts about my diets don’t allow me to relax; they are like a restraint jacket that I have been wearing for years.
— You have to! The results won’t appear by themselves. Hold yourself together. You are a mature and strong woman. Think about cool jeans that would look good on you if you lost those kilos. You would be proud of yourself and stop hiding your bottom behind those long t-shirts.
— I want to be a happy person, not proud. I am tired of living according to fashion and society; the idea that I have to correspond to external standards to command respect.
Hmm…It sounds like a social revolution is growing in me.
I realized that lately I started to notice and like happy, full-bodied women. I look at them and think that they must be very free inside. Those happy women do not fight their weight, their desires. I imagine they love life to its fullest; that they enjoy it, and do not care one bit about what others think about them. I like the fact that more actresses with “regular female figures and curves” are being invited to photo shoots instead of models.
YES, to a tasty life and Taste for life!!… But actually, this concept should be in everything not only in food. It’s important! I decided to watch once again my favorite movie about the zest of life which is Last Holidays. This movie is about a shy assistant kitchen chef named Georgia Byrd, who dreams about a better life: to open her own restaurant, go to a resort, and all that she writes down in her album of “Possibilities”. She strikes her head against the floor and her friend takes her to the doctor who makes a CT scan. It turns out that her days are numbered due to terminal illness. She decides to fulfill her wishes, to live the rest of the weeks she has left in the big way….. http://youtu.be/1zh-8e6DfSs
Living life the BIG, tasty way sounds so attractive!
I came to the understanding that “taste” and “diet” is not only about food; dieting is not authorizing myself things. And how am I dieting in my life? What else besides food, do I not allow myself?…Hard to answer…To even dream of the life I want is…sooo complicated…sooo hard now. I simply do not know. I feel hopeless, because I simply DO NOT KNOW what I WANT in life. It is much easier with food. So as a first step, I want to try, for at least three months, to stop torturing myself with dieting. I will relax and see what happens to me. At least with food, I want to live as if I do not have much time left. Let’s see what happens.
Can I be happy and proud? ” I feel hopeless to even think of the life I want.” This sounds so sad!! What if I had only a short time left to live? What would be written in my album of “Tasteful Possibilities?”
It’s difficult to think of it…I feel stuck… But what if I just try to connect with the words “really tasty”?…I start thinking of garlic bread with pickles…Yes, these feelings are coming to my mouth! Ummmm…
What if my life could be like garlic bread with pickles and red wine? Spicy, tasty, nutritious, a little dizzy…yummy life. This sensory input helps ideas to flow:
- To have a job that would allow me to travel around the world and to do something creative; to make money with it, to feel strong on my feet and independent.
- To star in a movie but not like an actress…to make a documentary… to be able to speak out about love and peace, to word things that I cherish since childhood.
- To make a series of interviews with Oprah or someone like her, influential brave and curious about life.
- To participate in some big, beautiful peacemaking international or cross-religious project.
Why is it all tasty? What exactly is delicious about it?
- It’s Big. It has a meaningful message and expresses itself widely- yet as symbolic as bread. It sustains life. Its offers sustenance and love to the world just like bread. Yes, I feel so much unexpressed love now. Love for the world… love for myself is a great nutritious state.
- Traveling is like wine — it alters/changes mindsets.
- Garlic and spices. Yes to spicing up my relationships. I don’t always need to be ‘nice’. I could also be freer and braver, contradicting social norms, saying my truth out loud in my documentaries. Put some garlic in them!
I am starting a list of “Delicacies”. This month, I will write down everything that I would like so much for my future “Big Life.”